Confessions of a Confuscina

Have you ever pictured Bananas in Pajamas trying to quote Confucius?

When Bananas in Pajamas meet Confucius down the stairs

That must have been the torturous sight my World Literature students had to endure during a session on the famous and influential Chinese scholar, Kong Fuzi a.k.a Confucius ...

Yellow on the outside, and white on the inside

Having zero exposure to Chinese education and clutching desperately onto my 2% command of Mandarin, I trudged through the 200 translated quotes and picked out only the ones that made sense to the banana (the non Chinese-speaking Chinese). Or at least the ones that the pisang (banana) could goreng (literally, fry but in our Malaysian term -- fabricate).

Slanted eyes, flat nose, and yellow skin - I seem to have the entire package that makes me a Chinese. But the moment I open my mouth and start stuttering in Mandarin, or even Cantonese, you will just attribute my jaundiced skin to the banana family.

Language is a struggle, but more so is the culture and the mindset.

I have received ang pows and played with fireworks without knowing its significance. While I am able to name the varieties of mooncake flavours available in the market, I do not know the actual story behind the celebration. In the same manner, I enjoy eating a good dumpling (any time of the year, actually) without figuring out its origins. In my opinion, the taste takes precedence over its history.

Ah, I have to confess: I am already drooling.

My obsession for food clearly proves that despite the disclaimers above, I am still a Chinese. =)

It was a pity that my Chinese obsession with food and TVB series/Cantopop could not prepare me for a complete 3 hour lecture on Confucius. The task became doubly daunting when I realized that most students in class had probably spent more time and were much more acquainted to that confused, old uncle (i.e. Confucius) than I ever was. Those who had attended Chinese schools would have been immersed in his ideologies.

But what do lecturers do best? They ACT. They act like they know it. And sometimes, when they act well enough, they begin to convince others that they know their stuff. Yup, even when they ACTually don't. And when they can't convince the students, they start to CONFUSE them. As students, you must have experienced one or more of these confusing episodes. Perhaps even in every class that you have attended. As lecturers, you must have been guilty of executing this at least once, if not all the time.

As I was struggling to prepare for class, I came across one of the most meaningful quotes from Uncle Confucius himself:

"There are, are there not, young plants that fail to produce blossoms, and blossoms that fail to produce fruit?"

"How very true!" I thought.

Assuming that the picture below depicts the natural lifecycle of a plant, the seed first grows into a young plant, which then blossoms, and finally bears fruits.

There is, however, one problem with this cycle and one does not have to be a farmer to recognize it. While this is the norm, or how you think it should be, there is a possibility that it MAY NOT be.

One thing may NOT necessarily lead to another.

Just because the seed grows into a seedling, it does not mean that it will definitely continue growing into a young tree. And when the tree starts to blossom, it is natural for the farmer to get excited. But then again, there are trees that have blossoms and yet not bear a single fruit. Not even after you have waited much longer than you should.

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Nothing is considered a natural progression.

I find this Confucius quote extremely relevant as we celebrate Chinese New Year. This is supposed to be the season that brings friends and relatives together. Very often, though, in an attempt to either initiate a polite conversation or to genuinely catch up with one another, we frequently rush in and ask the wrong questions:

"Didi/Meimei, you are about the same height as you were last year. Aren't you supposed to grow taller this year?"

"What did you get for UPSR last year? Why didn't you score straight As? You did very well for your trial exam, didn't you?"

"What do you plan to do after SPM? Your sister/brother is studying medicine. And both your parents are doctors. Why didn't you enroll in a medical course, too?"

"People usually take three years to complete their degree. Why are you taking much longer than that?"

"You have been working so hard. And your company is doing very well. What do you mean you do not have bonus this year?"

"You have been working there for years. Why are you not promoted? Why is your salary lower than XXX's son/daughter who has just started working?"

"You are a good boy/girl. Why do you still not have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? What's wrong with you?"

"You have been going out with this guy/girl for years. What are you waiting for? Why are you not married yet?"

"You have been married for sometime. Why still no kids, ah? Got see doctor or not?"

"Your eldest child is already X years old, when is the next one coming?"

And the list goes on and on ... (just like Celine Dion's heart in the soundtrack of Titanic).

Well, let this Confucius-wanna-be tell you this:

Just because a kid does well for trial exam, it does not mean that same kid will perform very well for the actual exam. Just because someone comes from a family of doctors/lawyers/engineers/comedians, it does not mean that he/she should follow the same course. Even if the company does very well, who are we as workers to dictate anything regarding bonus? Likewise, which workers get to reward themselves for their hardwork?

Just because a person has good attributes, it does not mean he/she will be rewarded with the sweetest, drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend/boyfriend. If a couple decides not to get married after dating for donkey years, who are we to butt in? And if they do not have any children yet, it could be their choice or they may be quietly struggling and trying for one, all without our knowledge. Unless we intend to donate our sperm or ovum, I suggest that we do not pry too much into other people's affairs.

So as we sit at the table for yet another round of reunion dinner/lunch this year, let us take a good look at the people around us. See them for whom they really are, and not for what they have achieved thus far.

Just because something may have seemed like a natural progression for them last year, circumstances may have stopped them from actually getting there. It is not right to impose any pressure on them. Instead, sit back and appreciate everyone who is there with us, for we may not know which of these faces may no longer be around next year: some may be joining the reunion dinner at their in-law's place, some may be at work, some may be abroad, and then there are some whom we may just never get to see anymore.

Because nothing is a natural progression, we should not take what we now have for granted.

Happy Chinese New Year and best wishes from the Confuscina a.k.a. the female Confucius or just the very Confused Cina (Chinese).