My Precious Gems: Reversal of Roles

"Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first."

It has always been my wish to dedicate a special blog entry to my parents, yet being the typical procrastinator, I lack the discipline to type it all down.

But in conjunction with Parents' Day celebration in church this morning, I have been asked to share about the two individuals who have played a very monumental role in my life, so I had no choice but to sort some of my ideas here.

I may have never seen God in person, but through the love shown by my parents, I am able to see His image in them. I am who I am today because of the upbringing I received at the hands of these two people and there are three main things for which I would like to thank them: 

a) For not abandoning me

The second half of Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." In all my years, I do not recall my parents ever abandoning me, either. 

One random school day (and for some strange reason), my mom and I took the public bus to Cheras Leisure Mall. As I got down from the bus, a group of cheeky schoolboys waiting at the stop started teasing loudly, "Ah Moey, Oi Ah Moey!" Of course, I couldn't be bothered at all but my mom, who was behind me, walked right up to them and asked, "Ya, apa you mau?" Thinking it was a case of mistaken identity, the boys tried to justify, "Oh bukan, kita bukan panggil Auntie. Kita panggil Ah Moey itu je!" And they pointed at me.

Now, my mom may not be as tall as Gal Gadot, but she seemed like a Wonder Woman that day when she nodded at them all thug-like and replied, "Ya, saya emak dia, jadi apa you mau?"  to which the boys started apologizing profusely while frantically picking up their jaw that had fallen to the ground. Should I have been embarrassed by her outburst? Maybe. But it was still hilarious! 

They say that fathers can never say NO to their daughters. I do not know about that but there was that one time when my dad couldn't say NO to my silly request...

It was less than 2 weeks before PMR and my classmates started showing off a Geography reference book which was very colourful and graphic. Unlike the typical textbooks, the notes there were embedded in various maps throughout the chapters, which not only provided a more visual image to the mind but also made studying (or memorizing, to be exact!) much simpler. 

I had rarely demanded for things from my parents, but at that point something possessed me into thinking that I would definitely score a distinction if I only had that book in my hands. I therefore presented my case to my dad. Instead of chiding me for being irrational and for wasting money, my dad walked from one bookstore to another just to look for that particular book. He finally found it at one of the bookstores after climbing 4 flights of stairs to get there. 

Did I get an A for that year's PMR Geography? Yeah, but it amounts to nothing now because I still have difficulties distinguishing one state in Malaysia from another. 

b) For disciplining me

We have heard of the phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child." This phrase has its origin in Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." 

Contrary to what you may think, my parents have never needed to use the cane on me. Nonetheless, they both have their unique ways of disciplining my brother and myself. 

Whenever my brother or I was about to throw a tantrum, Mom would raise and lower her eyebrows continually before glaring fiercely, and pursing her lips. She would then march close to the perpetrator and surreptitiously take a dollop of our baby fat and start pinching. If you think this is the end, you are wrong! She would continue with a threat,
"Wait till you get home ... "
Sometimes she can even do all these while smiling at onlookers. Talk about women and multitasking!  

Similarly, Dad has his standard phrase, too. I recall one day when my brother and I were in the car, and our bickering had gotten out of hand. Coincidentally, Dad was driving past Pudu Jail at that time. He pulled the car to the side of the road, turned to glare at my brother and I who were in the back seat, before raising his palm in the air and threatening,
"You see this hand here? Do you want FIVE FINGERPRINTS on your face?!!!"

Those "five fingerprints on your face" have always been Dad's typical threat ... even though we have NEVER had those infamous five fingerprints.

You see, my brother and I would always call it a truce and shut up after hearing that... 

c) For giving me FREEDOM

Among the many things that my parents have given me, I am truly grateful for the freedom they offered. Just like Our Heavenly Father who does not intend for us to become robots who are FORCED to do His will, my parents never believed in forcing us to do anything. 

While the children of most churchgoers would have been baptized as little babies, my parents left that most important decision to us. That is why I only got baptized when I was 17, even though I had literally grown up in church all my life. Both my brother and I used to wish that we were baptized as little children because that would save us from having to go through the experience when we got older. In retrospect, I am grateful for their choice. At 17, I was finally able to understand and experience God for myself. And thus make that most important decision to follow Him. 

Today, though, I realized that there has been a reversal of roles. As my parents age, I have slowly become THEIR guardian, and they have in turn become my charges. I first observed this a few years ago when we were in a shopping mall and my parents did not have sufficient RM1 dollar notes to insert into the massage chairs. I offered to pay for them, only to recall the times when my parents had given me shillings to put into the musical machine rides (the kind you find outside some medicine shops and in shopping malls). 

Today, my parents rely on my brother and I to do many things. 

The gangster-like mother who did not think twice before confronting the naughty schoolboys at the bus stop now needs to hold my hand while crossing the road. The same father who used to climb 4 flights of stairs just to get that Geography book now needs help as he gets down a single flight of stairs, with his cane.

Apart from the physical aspect, my parents also need guidance in technology. In fact, their IT knowledge is nothing short of cute. Whenever the iPad does not work, all my iPad-addicted dad does is to bring the device to my brother and say, "Eh Kenn ar, the Internet is not working!" Mom, on the other hand, innocently thinks that Google and the computer can provide solutions to everything in life! 

They now depend solely on my brother or myself to provide them with transport, even to the MRT station. This means that they would not be able to agree to meet up with friends or relatives without first confirming with the drivers in the family.

Most importantly, they now turn to us not only as their source of confidence but also to help in decision making. In many ways, they have become more dependent than before, and I know it is not easy for them to accept that fact.

The journey is not smooth sailing all the way, mind you, for I am also aging as they age. There are times when we do not see eye to eye in certain matters. There are also times when tempers may flare and voices are raised. But the beauty of it all is that we remain as a family. And what does that mean? It means we stay within the unit and strive to make things work. Yes, even when it is difficult. Especially when it is difficult. That is what being a family is all about. 

All in all, I truly thank God for my parents, because it is Him who has given them to me (and vice versa). I would like to end with a quote taken from a song. It goes something along the lines of, "Teach me to appreciate what I HAVE, before time forces me to appreciate what I HAD."

What we HAVE is the present. If we do not appreciate what we have in the present, one day time will pass and the things/people which we have will no longer be available and become things we once HAD. All that will be left then is just memories.

Another elderly churchmate once told us, "If you wish to honour your parents, do it while they are still around, not when they are gone. For when they are gone, they will not know it." So true.

With this, I wish you a Happy Mother's / Parents' Day! 

"Appreciate what you HAVE, before time forces you to appreciate what you HAD."