“Oh, it's delightful to have ambitions. I'm so glad I have such a lot. And there never seems to be any end to them-- that's the best of it. Just as soon as you attain to one ambition you see another one glittering higher up still. It does make life so interesting.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Since young, we have always been asked what we would like to be when we grow up. Whatever answers(s) we may have given as little children would naturally sound amusing to the adult listener but as we grow older, our choices are often challenged, if not reprimanded.
Each year in school, we had to update our teacher with our top three ambitions (which often lasted only for that particular year). Those who were more ambitious would want to be lawyers, doctors, engineers, accountants, architects, teachers, etc. This could vary drastically from one year to another. It was not unsual for a child to wish to be a doctor one year and a firefighter the following year. At times we were influenced by our parents' vocation, while at other times we were influenced by whichever TVB drama that was on air at that point of time.
Granted, many of us did not eventually fulfill our dreams. Yet, I guess the more interesting ambitions were the ones which we have not managed to fulfill, be it for the better or otherwise.
When I was seven, my parents bought me a BM story book about a courageous boy who went to the dentist. That was where I was first introduced to the vocabulary "berani" (which means courageous/brave). Now, my parents worked as clerks, and the correct word to describe their job was "kerani". My seven year-old mind somehow got those two words confused and when my class teacher, Puan Norliah, asked me about my ambition, I answered very proudly, "Berani."
I recall my elderly class teacher smiling gently and asking, "Ya, saya tahu Lilian nak jadi berani tapi bila besar nanti, Lilian nak kerja sebagai apa?" To which I again answered, "Berani." Why was it so difficult for her to comprehend? I am not too sure at which point she eventually gave up and filled the record book with some other occupation instead.
Then there were other ambitions which were once best kept as a secret.
I had always wanted to be a petrol pump attendant and to work at a petrol kiosk. There was something very attractive and gratifying about the job. And perhaps ... I liked the smell of petrol. When my mom accidentally discovered my secret ambition, she tried to discourage me by saying, "Cheh, cheh, cheh! Only drug addicts will like the smell of petrol!"
From that moment on, I had to train myself to forgo that ambition, albeit reluctantly. It was not easy, mind you, but I bet my mom was glad that I had given up on that idea. On hindsight, I should be grateful to her. I mean, now that gas stations all around the country have become self-service, my dream job would have become obsolete.
In my early teens, I used to look up to my cousins who worked as secretaries and PAs. My eyes would widen in admiration at the sight of their smart-looking blouses and mini skirts; my ears would strain to concentrate on their perfect enunciation; and my heart would envy their poise and confidence. I made up my mind then to take up a secretarial course after SPM, get a job as a secretary or a PA to an important businessman, seduce my boss, get married, and stay at home.
Being a pump attendant may not have left me with much to shout about but perhaps I should not have given up on the second option too, eh? If you think my choices were bizarre, you should read what other people wanted to be.
One of my churchmates said that she had wanted to be a money collector at toll booths. Yup, you may have guessed it. She liked the idea of sitting down and stretching her hand out to collect money each time a car passes by. At that young age, she failed to recognize that the money she collected would not belong to her anyway.
When my godson was in primary school, he had his future all planned out. Apparently, he wanted to open a shop to sell art supplies. He was even gracious enough to suggest that his younger sister put up a stall in front of his shop so that she could sell freshly cut fruits.
Then there was one of my roommates and best friends who had always wanted to be a housewife even when we were back in high school. She would constantly joke that she did not want to study anymore and just wanted to be a housewife. The idea seemed totally preposterous then because she had neither a house, nor a boyfriend, let alone a husband. Now that she is happily married with two children of her own, she still aspires to be a housewife -- an "educated" housewife with a maid to take care of the housework and such.
Nonetheless, I suppose none of these ambitions mentioned above can top my uncle's desire to be a pallbearer. No kidding. I am not referring to the modern ones who use a trolley or carry coffins on their shoulder for a short distance. Many decades ago, coffins were still constructed out of huge solid tree trunks. The only way to move one of these heavy coffins was to drag it with ropes.
I asked my uncle why he wanted a job that was so morbid. He said, "Not everyone was able to drag the coffin because of its weight, so if one could do it, that person must have been physically strong." Who would have ever guessed that dragging a coffin was once considered a macho act?
These days, whenever parents come up to me and claim that their children have no idea what to do in the future or have very wild ambitions, I try to assure them that there may be not be a cause for worry. After all, many of us have had crazy ambitions at various points of our life yet we turned out fine, didn't we?
As for career tests, they may serve as guides but they should never be allowed to dictate one's future. If such tests were 100% accurate, I would have been a "pembungkus gula-gula" as predicted during high school.
I would advise you to leave your concerns to God, then ... Que sera sera.
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