Giraffes Can't Talk

Here's an old story based on one of my first interviews for a teaching position which took place not too long after I graduated from university. Those of you who were already on my mailing list would have read this before:

I was supposed to attend an interview from 4.00 p.m. to 6.00 p.m. today. Because I wanted to make a good impression, I arrived almost half an hour early. No one was there to attend to me, so I stood like a 'dungu' at the reception counter for a few minutes. After convincing myself that I should only return at 4.00 p.m., someone finally led me to a room (it was actually a classroom). He sounded very apologetic and told me to wait.

Mistake no. 1; always carry something to read with you so that you don't appear to be too idle. I wished I had my Bible with me. Well, actually, any of my literature texts would do. Since there was nothing else to read, I started going through my certificates (There weren't that many to begin with). Within a few minutes, I was very bored again. I proceeded to walk around the classroom but it was a really small room and the only thing I saw was a notice: "SWITCH OFF HANDY PHONES" (I think they actually meant handphones).

I was very happy when someone finally came into the room. I thought that she was going to interview me. It turned out that she was yet another applicant. Just to kill some time, I thought of striking a conversation with her. I casually asked if she had come by LRT. She stared as if I had asked her to marry me or something of that sort. With her clipped accent and a quick look of disgust, she replied that she had driven there. She then took out a 3 inch book and started reading.

Mental note: the next time you meet another applicant, a smile alone would suffice. She looked so mature and was all dressed up. On the other hand, I was in my old 'auntie' blouse and a pair of sloppy slacks. Furthermore, my English was no where close to hers. Have you ever noticed any similarities between Phua Chu Kang and Tony Blair? (get the hint?) I admit that I felt so intimidated by then.

Finding nothing else to do, I exercised all my powers of imagination on my pen. I tried to picture it as an aeroplane. However, this plane of mine never took off from its airport i.e. my file because I was afraid if the other applicant should report of my insanity!

By the time the interview actually started, I had become very restless and couldn't care less about the job. They started asking all sorts of questions such as "What made you apply for this job?" I was contemplating if I should tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I didn't think they would appreciate it, though. 

I should say that I was indeed being my true self throughout the interview. For those of you who know me well enough, you can imagine how disastrous it would have been. He saved the best question for last,

"If a student were to come up to you and ask what is simple present tense, how would you explain it to him?"

I took a full minute to figure out what simple present tense was. Try as I could, I just could not really decipher what he meant. I immediately thought of a sentence which I was teaching the kids in the tuition center that same week. Here's what I said:

"For example, the sentence 'Giraffes can't talk' is in the present tense because, giraffes still cannot talk. However, if a giraffe is able to talk now but not previously, we say that, 'Giraffes couldn't talk before this but now they can.' After all, can is the present tense of could."

The man looked confused but the other lady simply nodded her head and smiled. I still couldn't understand what had possessed me to use that sentence. I should've thought of simpler sentences like "I SWIM every day. I SWAM yesterday." That is, after all, what a typical English teacher would have done.

But you see, I was not any typical English teacher. In fact, I have never been and will never be.

I can hear you asking, "So, did you finally get the job, or not?" Well, well, well, do we have to state the obvious? =D