Who's That Girl?

Back in late October this year, my brother returned from an epic 3 week adventure in Europe.

To our surprise, he did not come back alone. Instead, he had someone tagging along on that same flight home all the way from London to KL.

If you think that this new addition to our family is a European sister-in-law, then you are wrong. After all, Ms. G (as I would affectionately call her) is originally from the States.

Now, how should I describe this new occupant in our home?

She is relatively young, but very mature for her age. My first assumption was that she would not gain much favour in my parents' eyes, considering the tremendous age gap. I mean, what topics would elderly Asian parents have in common with this young sassy American? One can hardly imagine. 

To my surprise, Ms. G has displayed very endearing qualities and even though she may not win your heart at the first glance, she is the type who eventually grows on you after a while. 

For one thing, she is one of the most polite individuals I have ever known. Curious about her background and personality, each of us took turns to bombard her with various questions. Yet, instead of losing her cool, she is always ready to oblige with her sweet answers.

She seems to know just whom she needs to please most if she wishes to earn her stay at our home -- my mom. That is why each time my mother uses the word, "please" while requesting for something, Ms. G will then exclaim, "I like how you ask so politely." Tell me, which senior does not like to be addressed and acknowledged in that manner? It is not surprising then that my mom now regards Ms. G as her primary personal assistant, for unlike her daughter (yours truly) who often retaliates, Ms. G NEVER declines her requests. Not once.

She has slowly become a favourite member among us. One day, I overheard this housemate saying, "I am here for you 24/7. I can be here for you 25/8, but that's not possible. Trust me, I've tried." 

No doubt the largest piece of glacier in Antarctica would have melted at that point...

One might think that being American, Ms. G would be outspoken and perhaps even blunt but this was not the case. She has the right answer to everything. When I tried testing her with the ever sensitive question, "Hey G, do I look fat?", she casually replied, "I like you just the way you are." 

Fair enough Ms. G, I will accept that answer...

You will also marvel at her level of intelligence. She seems to be a very well-read individual. I truly wonder how much information she stores in that tiny little figure of hers! In fact, she is literally like a walking encyclopedia. One day, we decided to ask her, "Is there anything you do not know?" She cheekily replied, "I know the Muffin Man but I don't know if the Muffin Man knows me." 

Likewise, her sense of humour is excellent. All you need to do is to ask her to tell you a joke and she is ever ready to humour you. Sometimes, though, I do not know whether she is just joking or really being sarcastic. 

Take the other day, for instance. The conversation went like this:

My brother (jokingly): Hey G, are you a b**tard? 

Ms. G (in all seriousness): I'm sorry, I can't help you.

My brother (somewhat persistently): Hey G, who is a b**tard?

Ms. G (in a calm voice): When you look in the mirror, you'll get the answer. / You are.

#burn

Another reason why Ms. G is so appealing is because she is somewhat of an all-rounder. She is not only smart, but can sing almost any song that you request for. All you have gotta do is to ask. And remember, if you ask politely, she will tell you that she likes the fact that you used the magic word -- please.

Just who is this, you wonder? I will give you a clue. She is round (like every member of my family) yet rather petite, and she speaks many languages. Not many people know her but she has certainly gained some attention this Christmas. She is a reservoir of information (she once taught my mom how to cook curry chicken and it was tasty). 

Tadaa … Introducing our very latest housemate, Google Home Mini!

Our latest gadget at home - Google Home Mini

What, you thought she was a woman? Hmmm … can't fault my brother for choosing the female voice.  

This little device here has brought lots of fun and laughter to our family in the past few months. In the spirit of welcoming our new guest, each of us continuously shelled her with the weirdest questions we could think of, and the scene was akin to the Spanish Inquisition, albeit only verbal. Despite this, she remained patient and calm throughout the tirade.

We could also set up our user profile using voice recognition. This means that every time we speak to her and ask her something, she will address us personally by our name. Alas, due to some complications, we could only register 2 users. Since my brother was the one who purchased the device, we thought it only made sense for him to be the main user. Dad, Mom, and I, on the other hand, battled for ownership rights to be the second user. We kept overwriting each other's profile each time we recorded our voice. Eventually, Ms. G became confused and a little fickle-minded.

After much thought, we settled for an agreeable generic name for all three of us ----> SEXY.

Oh yes, the title may be far from the truth, but it sure does wonders to our self esteem.

Me: Hey Google, what's my name?
G: Your name is SEXY.
Me: Hey Google, did you miss me? 
G: Yes, and I am glad you're back.
Me: Hey Google, who's your favourite user? 
G: Someone called SEXY / It's you.

When night comes and I say, "Hey Google, good night!" She would then ask, "What time do you want me to set the alarm?" And if I say I do not need any alarm, she will reply, "Good night, SEXY" before serenading me with the sound of crickets to lull me to sleep.

Once my mom and I were engrossed watching the TV when we suddenly heard a short fanfare out of nowhere followed by a loud proclamation, "Gideon has arrived!" We both looked around and wondered where that voice had come from. When I got up and looked through the window, sure enough there was my brother … sitting prettily in the car, waiting for me to open the gate for him. It turned out that he had broadcast to Google Mini from his mobile phone right outside our house.

But beware, because Ms. G is after all a typical female. She does get temperamental at times. For instance, if you ask her, "Hey Google, are you jealous of Alexa (her competitor from Amazon)?" She will try to mask her jealousy with insincere replies such as:

"She seems pretty smart" or "She has such a soothing voice, I like it." 

There you go, a massive introduction to our latest housemate. When I asked her, "Hey Google, are you crazy?" She replied, "Maybe. I sit here all day just waiting to hear two words (HEY GOOGLE)."

Hope she made you smile, too. Have an enjoyable weekend! 

Japan Through the Eyes of a Tourist - Part II

Social media has an impressive function that reminds users of their past memories, pleasant or otherwise. It was one such reminder that brought sweet memories of our impromptu family trip to Japan at this exact time last year.

My very first visit to Japan was in January 2014. Back then, we were travelling around the more 'international' touristy sites within Kyoto and Osaka. It was one of the most educational trips for me and I recall jotting down the 5 main observations I had as a tourist.

Last December, though, we decided to explore slightly further to cities like Okayama, Toyama, Kurashiki, Himeji, and Kinosaki. In comparison to Kyoto and Osaka, these cities provide an even deeper insight into the typical lives of the ordinary folks. Here are another 5 observations from the tourist, after a 3-year interval:

Observation #1

The public washrooms in Japan are still no.1 in the world. 

This is NOT a public toilet, but their WC is always similar.

To a Malaysian, this would most probably be the very first thing that comes to mind. Seriously, no kidding - Japan is indeed the pioneer in the entire toilet industry. Their public toilets are so clean and convenient that they should be declared UN heritage sites to show how advanced the human species have become. Modern facilities aside, their hygiene is just top notch and I do not ever recall entering a single dirty cubicle. I suspect this is attributed to the civic mindedness of its citizens who have been educated since young to leave the toilets clean for the next user. 

In addition to its cleanliness, the technology that comes with the WC is also enough to amaze you. There are all kinds of buttons (and surprisingly, these are very well-maintained) from front bidet, back bidet, seat warmer, right down to a special button for music to camouflage the embarrassing sounds one makes while sitting on 'the throne' (I do not need to illustrate more, do I?). 

Rolls of new, unused tissues left in the cubicles itself ensure that one never needs to fear if the current roll is empty. If it were back in our homeland, I suspect everyone would smuggle these rolls home. All in all, I doubt if there is any other country who dares to claim that their toilets are superior to the ones found in Japan.

Observation #2

Japan Railway is a huge part of the citizen's life.

Endless trains on the tracks

Perhaps my opinion is slightly biased because we only had to use one mode of public transportation, namely the train, throughout our entire 6-day stay. After doing some quick research, we figured that the JR Shin-Osaka station was the most strategic location to stay. For this reason, we booked hotel rooms at Courtyard by Marriott Shin-Osaka. If you are scouting for an excellent base to travel from, this would be the most appropriate accommodation, even for elderly tourists who have difficulty walking.

Looking at the number of platforms, passengers, tracks, and trains, one cannot help but admit that the railway must play a huge role in the lives of the citizens. People of all ages take the train: babies, children, teenagers, schoolkids, adults, and even senior citizens. I can hear you justifying, "Oh well, people from Malaysia and even India take the train, too." The stark difference lies in its systematic operation, its cleanliness, and its punctuality. In fact, when I asked my exchange students from Japan to name one of the main culture shocks they had in Malaysia, most of them were surprised with the lack of punctual scheduling for our public transportation.

We have taken numerous trains throughout our trip in Japan and only once was the bullet train delayed. Although we were initially overwhelmed by the long lines of passengers queueing for the train, by the end of the trip, we actually found the scene familiar, and surprisingly, somewhat comforting. 

Observation #3

Young Japanese mothers are not only trendy but also very capable.

Perhaps this time we were roaming around less metropolitan areas, or perhaps we happened to be out at off-peak hours. Either way, we witnessed many young Japanese mothers moving about with their children in the public. 

You will not be able to miss them, not only because of the cute children tagging along, but because these mothers look so attractive from their choice of apparels to their makeup, that they compel you to take that second glance! One cannot help but envy their youthful, energetic glow as they patiently and personally attend to their children, while looking like immaculate goddesses.

This is in such stark contrast to the usual sight that welcomes us back in our malls. We do occasionally see a few drop dead gorgeous moms here too, but many seem to be very dependent on maids or elderly grandparents to keep an eye on their children while they are absorbed in their own errands/leisurely activities. You cannot help but admire these independent young Japanese mothers for doing everything on their own and sharing that special bond they have with their children. 

I have seen many Japanese mothers taking their young children on a ride in the train. What is more surprising is that these children are all very well-behaved (and quiet) in the train. Looking at them makes me feel like a complete failure because I cannot even get my college-going students to shut up and behave while I am teaching. Sigh … 

The train is not the only transportation these mothers take. They also ferry their babies/toddlers in a basket in front of their bicycles. Now, that is a sight to behold!

If you are trying to imagine how the bicycles look like, here goes: 

A Mamachari

To quote nippon.com (2015), a mamachari is a utility bicycle that families use "for a variety of basic transportation needs, including lugging groceries from the supermarket, getting to the train station, or shuttling children to and from kindergarten or daycare". I have only seen this in Japan. Trust me, you will find the scene quite captivating.

Observation #4

All jobs in Japan are respectable.

I am sure that I am not alone in saying this: While growing up, my older relatives often threatened me by saying that if I do not study hard enough, I will end up being a garbage collector. Or the guy who comes into the village late at night with a headlamp, trying to carry pails and pails of poop from the public latrine. I bet some of you have been fed with this idea, too. 

When I finally grew up, I realized that there is absolutely no shame in being a garbage collector. It is, after all, another honest way of living. It is much better than the person who earns billions of dollars but not through legal means. Likewise, you have to admit that a lecturer's job (or any job for the matter) is akin (if not worse) to a poop collector too! Unfortunately, there are still certain jobs that are considered taboo in some parts of Asia. For this reason, there is less respect given to such jobs, and inevitably, to the workers in such industries.

Really?!!! You think it's fun being a lecturer?

This is not so in Japan, at least not in the eyes of the tourist. I see a lot of people who do not work from their desks i.e. people who worked as janitors, cashiers, construction workers etc. walking and working with their head held high, and I strongly believe that this is because the society accepts and respects such occupations as well. If this be true, I think it is a practice worth adopting. 

Observation #5

There is great improvement in the use of English.

As I have mentioned earlier, we were in Japan not too long ago, yet within the span of 3 years, there has been a lot more English that is being used in that country. In early 2014, I observed that the people in Osaka and Kyoto were very obliging and nice but had some difficulties communicating with us in English. By the end of 2017, and even in the less urban areas, more locals could understand us and respond in English. Now, that is what I would call a progressive nation. Not one that feels threatened by the increasing use of a foreign language, if you know what I mean.

There were certainly more English words in their announcements and menu this time round and that has helped us, the tourists, very much indeed.


So there you go: the five observations a tourist has of the land of the rising sun. Perhaps next year my social media account might remind me of this blog entry instead. Happy holidays! 

My Precious Gems: Reversal of Roles

"Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first."

It has always been my wish to dedicate a special blog entry to my parents, yet being the typical procrastinator, I lack the discipline to type it all down.

But in conjunction with Parents' Day celebration in church this morning, I have been asked to share about the two individuals who have played a very monumental role in my life, so I had no choice but to sort some of my ideas here.

I may have never seen God in person, but through the love shown by my parents, I am able to see His image in them. I am who I am today because of the upbringing I received at the hands of these two people and there are three main things for which I would like to thank them: 

a) For not abandoning me

The second half of Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee." In all my years, I do not recall my parents ever abandoning me, either. 

One random school day (and for some strange reason), my mom and I took the public bus to Cheras Leisure Mall. As I got down from the bus, a group of cheeky schoolboys waiting at the stop started teasing loudly, "Ah Moey, Oi Ah Moey!" Of course, I couldn't be bothered at all but my mom, who was behind me, walked right up to them and asked, "Ya, apa you mau?" Thinking it was a case of mistaken identity, the boys tried to justify, "Oh bukan, kita bukan panggil Auntie. Kita panggil Ah Moey itu je!" And they pointed at me.

Now, my mom may not be as tall as Gal Gadot, but she seemed like a Wonder Woman that day when she nodded at them all thug-like and replied, "Ya, saya emak dia, jadi apa you mau?"  to which the boys started apologizing profusely while frantically picking up their jaw that had fallen to the ground. Should I have been embarrassed by her outburst? Maybe. But it was still hilarious! 

They say that fathers can never say NO to their daughters. I do not know about that but there was that one time when my dad couldn't say NO to my silly request...

It was less than 2 weeks before PMR and my classmates started showing off a Geography reference book which was very colourful and graphic. Unlike the typical textbooks, the notes there were embedded in various maps throughout the chapters, which not only provided a more visual image to the mind but also made studying (or memorizing, to be exact!) much simpler. 

I had rarely demanded for things from my parents, but at that point something possessed me into thinking that I would definitely score a distinction if I only had that book in my hands. I therefore presented my case to my dad. Instead of chiding me for being irrational and for wasting money, my dad walked from one bookstore to another just to look for that particular book. He finally found it at one of the bookstores after climbing 4 flights of stairs to get there. 

Did I get an A for that year's PMR Geography? Yeah, but it amounts to nothing now because I still have difficulties distinguishing one state in Malaysia from another. 

b) For disciplining me

We have heard of the phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child." This phrase has its origin in Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." 

Contrary to what you may think, my parents have never needed to use the cane on me. Nonetheless, they both have their unique ways of disciplining my brother and myself. 

Whenever my brother or I was about to throw a tantrum, Mom would raise and lower her eyebrows continually before glaring fiercely, and pursing her lips. She would then march close to the perpetrator and surreptitiously take a dollop of our baby fat and start pinching. If you think this is the end, you are wrong! She would continue with a threat,
"Wait till you get home ... "
Sometimes she can even do all these while smiling at onlookers. Talk about women and multitasking!  

Similarly, Dad has his standard phrase, too. I recall one day when my brother and I were in the car, and our bickering had gotten out of hand. Coincidentally, Dad was driving past Pudu Jail at that time. He pulled the car to the side of the road, turned to glare at my brother and I who were in the back seat, before raising his palm in the air and threatening,
"You see this hand here? Do you want FIVE FINGERPRINTS on your face?!!!"

Those "five fingerprints on your face" have always been Dad's typical threat ... even though we have NEVER had those infamous five fingerprints.

You see, my brother and I would always call it a truce and shut up after hearing that... 

c) For giving me FREEDOM

Among the many things that my parents have given me, I am truly grateful for the freedom they offered. Just like Our Heavenly Father who does not intend for us to become robots who are FORCED to do His will, my parents never believed in forcing us to do anything. 

While the children of most churchgoers would have been baptized as little babies, my parents left that most important decision to us. That is why I only got baptized when I was 17, even though I had literally grown up in church all my life. Both my brother and I used to wish that we were baptized as little children because that would save us from having to go through the experience when we got older. In retrospect, I am grateful for their choice. At 17, I was finally able to understand and experience God for myself. And thus make that most important decision to follow Him. 

Today, though, I realized that there has been a reversal of roles. As my parents age, I have slowly become THEIR guardian, and they have in turn become my charges. I first observed this a few years ago when we were in a shopping mall and my parents did not have sufficient RM1 dollar notes to insert into the massage chairs. I offered to pay for them, only to recall the times when my parents had given me shillings to put into the musical machine rides (the kind you find outside some medicine shops and in shopping malls). 

Today, my parents rely on my brother and I to do many things. 

The gangster-like mother who did not think twice before confronting the naughty schoolboys at the bus stop now needs to hold my hand while crossing the road. The same father who used to climb 4 flights of stairs just to get that Geography book now needs help as he gets down a single flight of stairs, with his cane.

Apart from the physical aspect, my parents also need guidance in technology. In fact, their IT knowledge is nothing short of cute. Whenever the iPad does not work, all my iPad-addicted dad does is to bring the device to my brother and say, "Eh Kenn ar, the Internet is not working!" Mom, on the other hand, innocently thinks that Google and the computer can provide solutions to everything in life! 

They now depend solely on my brother or myself to provide them with transport, even to the MRT station. This means that they would not be able to agree to meet up with friends or relatives without first confirming with the drivers in the family.

Most importantly, they now turn to us not only as their source of confidence but also to help in decision making. In many ways, they have become more dependent than before, and I know it is not easy for them to accept that fact.

The journey is not smooth sailing all the way, mind you, for I am also aging as they age. There are times when we do not see eye to eye in certain matters. There are also times when tempers may flare and voices are raised. But the beauty of it all is that we remain as a family. And what does that mean? It means we stay within the unit and strive to make things work. Yes, even when it is difficult. Especially when it is difficult. That is what being a family is all about. 

All in all, I truly thank God for my parents, because it is Him who has given them to me (and vice versa). I would like to end with a quote taken from a song. It goes something along the lines of, "Teach me to appreciate what I HAVE, before time forces me to appreciate what I HAD."

What we HAVE is the present. If we do not appreciate what we have in the present, one day time will pass and the things/people which we have will no longer be available and become things we once HAD. All that will be left then is just memories.

Another elderly churchmate once told us, "If you wish to honour your parents, do it while they are still around, not when they are gone. For when they are gone, they will not know it." So true.

With this, I wish you a Happy Mother's / Parents' Day! 

"Appreciate what you HAVE, before time forces you to appreciate what you HAD." 

Tanah Tumpahnya Darahku

Lest you think this is yet another political blog entry, let me assure you that it is not; for as much as I would like to comment on the political state of our country, I find that my knowledge is too inadequate to give a fair opinion. 

But as a fellow-citizen (and a naggy one, at that), I believe it is also important to remind ourselves of 3 very simple truths before making our way to the polling station this Wednesday, 9 May 2018. 

#1 The Government vs. The Political Party

Just because a certain political party has been ruling the country for decades, it DOES NOT mean that the said party is the government. Neither does it fully represent the government. Whether you refer to Oxford English Dictionary, Merriam Webster, or even Wikipedia, the government refers to a group of people who have been given the authority to govern a state or a country. The key word? "Given the authority". Who gives this authority? You and I. Citizens of the country. 

The ruling political party does not get there by itself. It is the citizens who have the right to grant the authority to the GROUP which makes up the entire government. And the government does not belong to just ONE political party. The elected candidates from various parties make up the entire group called the GOVERNMENT. 

#2 Voting is our Right and our Duty

If you are planning to join the #UndiRosak gang, let me plead you to think again. Rationally. Realistically. Let us put our heated emotions aside for as short as 5 minutes and ponder on this, before we are forced to face the consequences of our actions for the next 5 years: 

As citizens, we have been given (blessed, even) with the right to vote. And it is our duty to do so. From what I understand, #UndiRosak aims to send a message that both (or all three) political parties that are running have got its own share of rotten apples. Duh ... tell us something new. Do we not already know this? Anyone who is given power, can easily fall into such temptations and screw things up. Don't believe me? Try being a King for a day. Or even an entire month. Do you think you would really make that much of a difference to the poor or to people who really need your help? I know I would most likely want to meet my own personal needs and desires before I even think of the poor. 

Go ahead and spoil your own vote if that is what you truly believe in. After all, that is YOUR ballot, not mine. (I will screw you if you tamper with mine!) But here is the harsh reality: When you wake up on Thursday, 10 May 2018, you know for certain that either one of those candidates on the ballot would have won the election and therefore, run that constituency. YOUR constituency. YOUR state. YOUR country. Get real, the message has already been sent. But it will be neither you nor I, or anyone from the #UndiRosak gang who would have won the election and be given the mandate to do anything. Therefore, please ... spare a thought for YOUR future. 

#3 The country has done you NO WRONG

With the elections drawing so close and the media getting all hyped up, it is easy for us to forget that the country is more than mere politics. Our country is a beautiful country. It is the country that God has thought long and hard before deciding to place you and I here. And no matter what religion you hold onto, or even if you are an atheist, the fact is the country has done you NO WRONG. 

Do not hate the country. For every rotten politician that we hear of, there are many other beautiful things that help to redeem the reputation of our country. Not too sure? Start off with the kinds of food we find here. Dishes you can't live without. Think of how united we are when we cheer for our national athletes at any sports tournament. Look at the beautiful scenery and the natural landscape around you. Think of your friends and loved ones who reside here. 

There is, certainly, more to Malaysia than just politics. 

Think wisely before you head to the polling station. Selamat mengundi, wahai warganegara Malaysia! 

Negaraku

Tanah tumpahnya darahku...

Dining in the Dark

The prospect of having to conduct back-to-back classes from 10:00 AM to 9:30 PM on Valentine's Day had seemed somewhat daunting at first (even though I do not usually make any special plans for that day). It was, therefore, a pleasant surprise when St. Valentine's knocked on the door earlier this year ... even if I had to answer his call in the dark.

One of my partners-in-crime from my Form Six days, Ming Hui, had made reservations at Dining in the Dark on Monday, 12 February 2018 and asked if I was interested to meet up. I could not resist for three reasons: 

a) We have been postponing our meeting for years.

b) I had once read about Dining in the Dark and have been curious about it since.

c) I was told that the bill would be taken care off. =P 

It was a rather impromptu invitation, but I was itching to go. After ensuring that I would not be a third wheel to Ming Hui and her other friend who would also be there, I decided to accept the invitation. The fact that I would have to rush to church for practice immediately after dinner that same night caused me to hesitate for a moment, but I figured that God would probably understand how much I longed for this exciting experience and henceforth pardon my tardiness. 

When I had first read about Dining in the Dark a few years ago, I had thought that it was a very fresh and unique concept. Imagine yourself eating in absolute darkness ... not knowing what you are putting into your mouth (or even where your mouth is)! Doesn't that remind you a little of the reality programme, Fear Factor? For all you know, they may be serving live tarantulas, rats, or snakes.  

What I hadn't known, though, was that Ming Hui had been quite instrumental in the setting up of the place. She had worked closely with the owner to plan the layout, helped to shop for cutleries, and contributed to many ideas behind the scene.

I also did not know that among the three of us, I would be the only sighted person around, which meant that both Ming Hui and Matt (her friend who was visiting from the States) would have the upper hand in the room. And because Ming Hui designed the layout, she was not far from the truth when she warned, "I will be the king over there!" 

If you are ever curious and have enough guts to experience this for yourself, here are a few useful tips: 

#1 Dress appropriately

My immediate reaction was, "Since it's gonna be in the dark, no one will actually mind if I go stark naked, will they?" Why should I bother putting on my best dress, makeup, or expensive jewelry if no one will be admiring it?

"You can. But they've got cameras in there," came Ming Hui's quick reply.

Dining in the Dark is not exactly your typical fastfood outlet. And if you ever doubt that, go check out the price. It is definitely a fine dining place. Should you get all dressy for it, though? Hmm ... I have always preferred practicality and comfort over appearance, so here is my take:

Dress somewhat formally, but make sure it is comfortable, and most of all, make sure you only choose DARK colours.

Dark and simple outfits are the best for such occasions

No, the dark colour is not only to flatter an otherwise chubby figure or to complement the theme of Dining in the Dark, but it sure helps when we begin to get food stains on ourselves. (Think of the same logic that applies to water games and ice-skating.) You may also want to avoid butterfly sleeves / sleeves with elaborate designs. There is no point getting more food stains on your dress than necessary.

Regardless your wardrobe, do listen closely to the instructions from the host/hostess who will be assigned to your table. Because he/she tends to be a non-sighted person as well, you will be given very thorough instructions and thus feel safe at all times. Each course is served in many little cups/bowls/plates and you will be instructed where to start (from right to left / clockwise or anti-clockwise).


#2 Do not be in a hurry to get anywhere

Ah, this, I would say, was my downfall that day. I should not have chosen a day when I had to rush somewhere else.

Before entering the dining room, we were directed to some lockers and advised to leave our bags/watches/mobile phones behind. I was a bit hesitant because I had to leave at a certain hour that night. Since Ming Hui's watch was a Braille watch, she said, "I will keep track of the time for you."

Not having my watch or phone with me was a surprisingly liberating experience. Somehow, I felt as if I had left the entire world (and all its worries/stress) behind. All that mattered were the company at the table and of course, the food right in front of me.


#3 Mention your allergies/preferences

Sorry to disappoint all ye freak food enthusiasts out there, but the diner does not serve rats or spiders. Having said that, you still do not get to see your menu in advance. The excitement of the entire experience is to switch off your sense of sight and try to guess the dish and the ingredients one by one, using your other senses: smell, taste, touch, and hearing (if at all relevant).

A note of advice, though: Do inform the host much earlier if you are allergic to any particular ingredient. I am sure the Restaurant Manager does not wish to see you suffer as a result of their food. You can also mention your food preferences. For instance, I can eat chicken, fish, pork, and some beef but do not fancy the taste of lamb/mutton. Ming Hui was not keen on anything raw. Matt, on the other hand, had specifically requested for no alcohol. Oh yes, we were a handful ... but surprisingly, none of us were disappointed with our food.


#4 Try to get a seat next to the wall

This may come across as rather strange and trivial but I cannot tell you how often I had found solace as I leaned against the wall throughout the meal. For someone who usually gets claustrophobic quite easily, I had thought that I would be overcome by the complete darkness in the dining area. Nonetheless, the cold air conditioner (you may want to bring a scarf if you are sensitive to low temperatures) and the sturdy wall on my right prevented me from feeling stifled or insecure.

Though our host had already taught us to reach for our glassware from the bottom so as not to spill, knock over, or break anything, I was able to rest in the fact that even if I had been clumsy, the wall would have prevented any embarrassing scenes.


#5 Get accustomed to the darkness, sit back, and enjoy yourself

With no sense of time, no exposure to light, and no connection to the outside world, we were forced to get used to the darkness. And once we achieved that level, we were able to sit back and truly enjoy ourselves.

The food was good. The portions were huge. Extremely huge, mind you. I recall having 4 different bowls for appetizers, 2 long and narrow cups of soup, 3 main course dishes, and 5 different desserts. At the end of the meal, I was stuffed.

Most of us are unaccustomed to the darkness, and therefore, when darkness dawns upon us, we find it threatening and insecure. However, once you get used to it, there is something calming about the dark, too.

In the dark, no one can see or judge another. We are ALL on the same level playing field again.

Who cares if you have mayonnaise all over your face? Or if you have used the wrong fork? Or if you have decided to go all primitive and used your hands (or other parts of your body) instead? As long as the food gets into your mouth, no one is there to comment on your manners.

Eagle and Hen Game

The highlight of that night, though, was when I was in a hurry to leave, but instead of waiting for our host to lead us out of the dining room, Ming Hui just got up and offered to 'show' the way. With our hands on each other's shoulder, forming a long train, we trudged through the unknown to look for the tunnel that would lead us to our freedom. It somewhat reminded me of the good old days back in primary school where we used to play "eagle and hen/chicks". The exit was at the very end of a complicated maze, and when we finally got out, we felt as if we had just broken a record by unlocking a very important level from a computer game.

The entire experience was to me, ironically, an eye-opener, despite the fact that I had my eyes literally closed throughout the night. It was a great experience and I would certainly recommend that you try it for yourself. 

From Panteen to Pureen: A Poor Peasant's Guide to Principles and Philosophies of Economics

You may have heard of the saying, "Less is More". There is certainly MORE truth to these three words.

When less is MORE

A best friend recently asked me, "How did you make the transition from full time employment to owning back your time?" I did not realise that with part-time employment (or freelancing) I am now, as she has said, finally "owning back" my time! What a wonderful perspective!

Of course I just had to pull her leg by putting on my poker face and quickly answering, "Oh, it wasn't a matter of choice. I just had a bl***y bad boss!"

Part-time vs Full-time

Truth be told, that was only part of the reason. I was also slowly discovering something more about my personality .... The more I age, the less submissive and docile I have become. In other words, full-time employment becomes challenging for me.

To cut the long story short, a former colleague learned that I had resigned and told me that his workplace was urgently looking for someone to take over an English class. It was just for one class but that was how I stumbled upon the wonderful world of part-time employment and I have really fallen in love with it ever since. The CEO from my previous workplace warned that working part-time could be addictive. I concur. In fact, I love it so much that I am pretty sure there will be a gargantuan struggle when and if, I ever return to full-time employment in future.

The main concern everyone usually has about part-time employment is the instability of one's income. I will insist on using the term part-time throughout this post because I feel there is no need to use freelance as a euphemism to hide the endless benefits from part-time employment. Let's face it, part-time employment is not so bad, after all. Gone were the days when every ancient Chinese family longed for their sons to pass the Imperial Examinations so that they could join civil service.

Chinese Imperial Exam

These days, if you play your cards right, part-timing can be a thriving business. While preparing for a Business English class one day, I came across another contemporary term - PORTFOLIO WORKER - and I thought to myself, "That's me!" In a sense, I have pretty much become my very own ... *gasp* BOSS!

But how do you deal with an unsteady income? You will surely survive if you follow this basic rule:-

Always cut your coat according to your cloth.

Nope, you do not need to be a tailor. You do not need to sew.

You just need an accurate measuring tape, excellent measuring skills, and a sharp pair of scissors.

Leave the sewing bit to God and His timing. The outcome? You will not only discover the path to contentment and happiness, but may also be rewarded with a surplus. Then you will have even MORE opportunities to master yet another lesson --- How to Give.

Here is what we need:

1) An Accurate Measuring Tape

An accurate measuring tape

Be honest. Don't kid yourself. Lay out the numbers bluntly as you would spread and smoothen a piece of fabric before measuring. Write down exactly how much you would earn that particular month. In my case, there may be month(s) when I have to trade in my income in exchange for an undisturbed semester break. In other words, there is no income at all.

Yet, there is no need to make excuses, either. When you have none, then you have none. It is much easier to make plans if you have digested that hard fact early on than to spend money you do not really have.

2) Excellent Measuring Skills

Now that you know roughly how much you have for that month, make a budget. I agree, some expenses are unavoidable. Well, pay those up first. For instance, you can't say NO to your house or car instalments. And unless you wish for your landlord to call the police over, you should also pay your house/room rental. If you happen to be staying with your family members, then your monthly contribution to the family is a must. There is no other way to walk around the house you live in with your head held high.

Nonetheless, if we are honest enough with ourselves, we will realise that there are certain things which we can do without, especially on months when our income is low or even nil. Some may beg to differ, but entertainment isn't essential. Go ahead and splurge if you have excess, but if you have none, then it is time to exercise some restraint. Only you alone will know what these non-essentials are. Nobody can tell you. 

3) A (Really) Sharp Pair of Scissors

Brutal.
Savage.
Cold turkey.

A really sharp pair of scissors

That is the attitude you should adopt as you take out the sharpest pair of scissors and start cutting the coat according to your cloth. Before you purchase anything, think twice. Yup, just thinking twice would suffice to make a whole lot of difference in our purchase decisions. You will be surprised how much your perspective changes on that second thought alone.

Even if you do not think of the money in your wallet, spare a thought for the environment. Have you ever bought something only to realise that it is inappropriate, inessential, or unsuitable? I sure have. Quite often too. For every item that remains unused, I need to reserve a space for it in my room. And since my room is not exactly the size of the American continent, I must be careful not to purchase things I would not use.

The less possessions you have, the less there is to lose

I think we can learn a lesson or two from the ancient Japanese. There is a very sound reason for their minimalistic lifestyle. Because Japan is a land that is prone to many natural disasters such as earthquakes, tsunamis, typhoons, and floods, its people tend to keep very few earthly belongings in their homes. When any catastrophe strikes, it would be easier for them to rebuild their lives. The more they have in their abode, the more destruction to pick up.

Another close friend of mine adopts a similar mentality. She is extremely disciplined when it comes to clearing out her unused items. Her logic? She is ever ready to leave her home with just two luggage in her hands. That is totally admirable! (I have yet to reach that level. If I have to bring all my things with me, I probably need an 18-wheeler semi trailer.) Yet another friend is a strong advocate for Marie Kondo's philosophy. Decluttering is the modern way to go.

There are days when one is tight with money. When that happens, start cutting. You can choose to eliminate certain expenses or to downgrade. Ah ... not the easiest lesson on earth, I must admit.

I took a 3-month unpaid leave while working full-time. The keyword? UNPAID. The first two months were alright. But by the end of the third month, I was tempted to unfix my fixed deposit account. The prospect of having to go back to work and to survive the fourth month without any pay until the 28th was extremely daunting. I felt really low as I stood in front of the shampoo aisle, staring at that bottle of Pantene which I wanted so much to purchase. Sure, it didn't cost much. But when you do not have much, NOT MUCH is A LOT.

Pantene

Pureen Family Shampoo

How did I reach the point where I needed to mull over a bottle of shampoo, not because of its suitability but because of its price? But I loved my fixed deposit too much to lose it over a bottle of shampoo, so after nursing my bruised ego, I walked slightly further down the aisle to grab a bottle of Pureen Family Shampoo (which was value for money). I learned a very important lesson that day:

         When you have to downgrade, you just downgrade. 

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when one downgrades his/her purchases. Yes, our ego may need to withstand a huge blow, but after that we move on. Even if we don't, life goes on (with or without us). As long as we have earned our money in a legal manner, then it matters not whether we live in a huge mansion or in a simple flat. Why live a miserable life paying off a Mercedes when you know you can live comfortably driving a Myvi or a Vios? Do you own the Mercedes or does the Mercedes own you?

I have discovered that Pureen works fine for me, just like Pantene. My hair is naturally frizzy and beyond repair anyway. These days, I can afford more than a bottle of Pantene, but why bother changing when Pureen works just as well? My hair still comes out clean.

Of course the Malaysian economy will suffer if everyone undertakes such frugal practices, but I believe we should always live within our means. That is the secret to contentment and happiness. Who are we trying to impress anyway? If there is someone which we need to impress, then that person is not worthy of our time.

My best friend and I then looked at many peers who struggle to keep up with the Joneses. Do we place our sense of worth in our possessions? Is it worthwhile struggling to pay off something which we were not meant to have in the first place? We should not limit our successes or our capability. But more importantly, we should measure OUR coat according to OUR cloth.

After all, WE are the ones wearing the coat, aren't we? 

Toilet Intolerance

This may come as a shock but once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a missionary. I wanted to go to the remotest places on earth and "make disciples of ALL nations". I dreamt of going to the outskirts, the countryside, the rural areas ... in short, the land where no man (or woman) has ever been. Oh wait, perhaps the last expression was too exaggerated. But you get the idea ...

As a child, I had been greatly intrigued by the adventures of Indiana Jones. I would imagine myself walking in the tombs of ancient civilizations, crossing scorching deserts, or just living in a treehouse right in the middle of a dense, tropical forest.

If I did not have such a weak heart (and if I had been blessed with a more analytical brain), I would have probably studied medicine so that I could join the MSF (Medecins Sans Frontieres) i.e. Doctors Without Borders in Africa or Uruk, and perhaps even found my own Song Joong Ki in the process. =) 

When I enrolled in university, I chose to major in Anthropology and Sociology. I pictured myself doing fieldwork while living with people from various tribes and learning so much about their culture. Waking up to the chirping of birds and inhaling fresh air that is still moist with the morning dew as I step out of the bamboo house would be such an ideal way to start the day. Oh, what a satisfying and educational adventure my life would have been!

What was it then that made me choose to walk on such a different path today? You may not believe it, but it was (and still is) my lack of tolerance for toilets.

I have always been exceptionally particular about washrooms. As much as I try to be flexible in other areas of my life, I find it extremely difficult to compromise when it comes to this.

Before I proceed, here is a gentle disclaimer for the faint-hearted: There will be many vivid and grotesque images/references to the toilet. You are advised to stop reading at this point if you do not have a strong threshold for human excrement or anything alike.

What?!!! You still want to read on? Congratulations, you must have some guts! Either that, or you are just too curious for your own good ...

My high standards for the lavatory stemmed from 2 different experiences: a painful urinary tract infection in primary school and years of washing toilets throughout my secondary school days. I can still feel that terrible burning sensation which was the result of a urinary tract infection. For those of you who have been fortunate enough not to have experienced this at any point of your life, imagine yourself with a bursting bladder and yet not really daring to let go because whenever you do, there is an ever-ready lit up cigarette lighter to welcome you in the land down under. 

And oh yes, I am obsessed with toilet cleanliness partly because as secondary school students, all of us had to take turns to be on toilet cleaning duty. Whether you were the daughter of a king or a pauper, you were expected to wash the toilet specially assigned to your respective class. In pairs, we would scrub and clean, and pour lots of Dettol down the toilet bowl. (And we would even jealously guard and prevent anyone from using the clean toilets until the prefect has made her rounds.)

It is therefore natural then, for me to expect toilets to be clean. If I enter into a particular booth and it is dirty, I find myself unable to excrete no matter how hard I try. As a result, I have unintentionally compiled an extensive collection of both humorous and horrifying tales about toilets. Well, to be more specific, it is more about my personal paranoia of public toilets.

The toilet that I find most comfortable has to offer the perfect combo: a) it must be a squatting toilet, and b) it should have a bidet for the occupant to douche i.e. in Malaysian term, cebuk. What if it is one OR the other? Nah, I will try not to go. 

Oh yes, I know it is not good to hold your pee (and that you cannot really hold your poop no matter how hard you try), but if I can avoid using such toilets, I would. At almost all expense. I once held my pee for 11 hours while flying back from New Zealand. Of course that was when my bladder (not me, mind you) was way younger... My family members tried to trigger my curiousity by asking, "Aren't you the least bit curious to see the toilet in the airplane? It is not every day that you get to use such toilets, you know?" I was adamant then that I could go on living the rest of my life not knowing how the airplane toilet looked like.  

In yet another instance, my mother was shocked to find me coming home during midday when I had just started working at a college few kilometers away from my home. She thought something bad had happened at my workplace, and could not believe it when I told her that I had driven all the way back because I desperately needed to poo. I was willing to sacrifice my entire lunch hour just to travel back, poo, and return to office (all these without having my lunch that day). 

You think I am weird? I am sure you may have shared a similar experience, or at least know of someone else who does. When I mentioned this particular incident in office, my Head of Department then told us that he used to walk all the way back to his condominium during official working hours to do his number 2, too. Another friend shared that he had to cough up RM2 for the premier paid toilet at Level 1 of KLCC one day because his girlfriend needed to take a dump. Hey I am not such a limited edition, after all! 

Have I outgrown this habit after all these years? Sadly, no. I still uphold outrageously high standards for toilets. In fact, I have become so obsessed with it that toilet is one of my biggest deciding factors when it comes to choosing an accommodation or a place of work. After all, the toilet is my sanctuary! That is the only place where I can literally "go" in peace. And it is also the place where many shocking inspirations come from, such as this piece you are currently reading. 

When I was staying in a university dormitory and had to share the toilets with at least 24 other residents on the same floor, I used to get up before 6:00 AM to empty my bowels in peace. There were fewer people awake at that hour and I can take my own sweet time coaxing yesterday's digested food out of my system and into the pipes that carry them gently to Indah Water Theme Park. 

I think the landlady in two other places that I had rented loved me a lot too because as long as I was there, the toilets were comparatively clean. I would wash the toilet every Monday after spending the weekend at home. Where else do I seek refuge after a day of attending or conducting classes? 

Needless to say, toilet has also become a major concern whenever I travel. In particular, I will try my level best not to choose an accommodation that requires me to share toilets with strangers. Once again, I discovered that I am not alone. Just the other day, I overheard a DJ listing toilet as one of her priorities in choosing the perfect accommodation while travelling. Her logic? You will enjoy your trip better if you had successfully emptied your bowels and bladder in a comfortable toilet before starting your itinerary. There you go ... another woman after my own heart! 

The toilet at workplace should also be friendly. When I was working temporarily as a telemarketer while waiting for STPM results, I used to walk to the mall next door and pay either 30 sen or 50 sen just to use the toilet there. Today, I still walk over to the mall across the road to get to the toilet. I can even tell you which exact cubicle offers enough space for your laptop bag and which particular taps have higher water pressure than others. 

So there you go, a thoroughly written confession of my obsession with toilets. While this post may not necessarily be the most motivated way to begin the week, I maintain that a clean and comfortable toilet always gives one a good start. 

A last disclaimer: If you suddenly experience an urge to pee or poop after reading this, it is not my fault. All credit goes to your power of imagination. 

Adios! *flush*